The darker it gets outside the darker the thoughts inside might get too. It’s weird how the lighting and the weather can affect you so deeply. Suddenly you are overthinking everything and anything. Am I good enough? Is this for me? Can I make it?
I’m not going to sit here and lie, it happens to me every year, that sudden dip you try so hard to tiptoe around but you always seem to fall for it.
Overthinking is a killer, especially when you know it’s not even close to what your mind is saying. There are suddenly two voices in your head telling you to do the polar opposite things. It’s hard to break it and listen to the rational voice; the one you know is painting a picture of reality and not trying to make fake scenarios up in your brain.
Everything in autumn seems to be a haze. It seems to be a season filled with mellowness although everything gets a bit cozier. All you have to go is try to stay strong until it gets a bit more light. You’ll be fine, no matter what your mind is trying to whisper in your ear.
Rewind to yesterday night. Sitting in the car with Dad, joking about how I don’t have a boyfriend because I am so weird. Dad tells me a small story which might not have had that much meaning in anyone’s life. It should not have had any effect on me whatsoever. It was just a small chat, right?
Maybe it is just me, or maybe it is how the teenage brain works. Constantly worrying about things. If it is not getting into College, getting a job or getting good grades it ends up being love in some fashion.
Now, I do not want to put everyone under the same roof but I am just saying from experience.
It is just funny how a small, meaningless story about a meaningless couple at a train station can make one reflect on their own life. And I know if you are a smart, sensible person you are probably on the verge of telling me that love will come, just focus on yourself and don’t think about it. I have heard it before but when you are someone like me, a hopeless romantic, it might be hard to let the thought go.
I promise I’ll try, but I still want that too.
Isn’t it funny how some things just stick with you?
Some days ago we had to go through various nicknames for the 1920s and one has stuck with me since then and probably will stay with me for a long time.
The Age of Wonderful Nonsense.
Doesn’t it sound both daunting and amazing? It is funny how it is, in some way an exact description of our lives. Whether you are a busy student, working parent or just bachelor.
Life is a wonderful whirlwind of chaos, something that may sound unearthly to some and breathtaking for others. It is a phenomenon that never is picture perfect. There is a reason why fairy tales are fiction. You will never see a boy riding a beautiful white horse through the corridors but you will certainly find someone. Just because life isn’t as pure as you wish it might be you have to stay positive and all the good things will happen to you. Everything you want will come as long as you are patient and concentrate on the positive aspects of life and forget about rest.
You make your life. Your life doesn’t make you.
Gratefulness; from the word grateful.
feeling or showing an appreciation for something done or received.
“I’m grateful to you for all your help”
Many of us all know the word and its meaning but have you really truly felt it? You might be saying that you are feeling grateful but are you really or are you just feeling a brief swush of thankfulness that lasts for the time that you are opening your Christmas presents?
I was like that; saying thank you and being briefly thankful for everything that I have but that did not seem right. If you are grateful, shouldn’t you feel thankful, grateful for an extended amount of time for things that are not materialistic, things that you can not really buy in that way.
I never really understood the whole be grateful thing. Wasn’t I already? I mean I was thankful for being where I was but I did not really genuinely feel it until just a few days ago. It just hit me. Dang, I’m lucky to be where I am. I am lucky to be living, to have a family, to have friends, to have an education and for having the opportunities I have. Because not everyone does. Not everyone has the opportunities that you hold. They do not have the advantages or sometimes even the minor disadvantages you have.
Just think about it. Think about it in a different way from how you have before. Don’t you feel it? Don’t you feel grateful for who you are and what you have?
Call me crazy but I am someone who can’t talk about something I am not a 100% sure about before I am sure it will happen. I hear a lot of people every day, constantly talking about how they are going to do something; it might be starting a blog, becoming an actress or starting a YouTube channel and they are over the top.
They are sure it is is going to happen. They are going to become so big and so famous and all of their dreams are going to come true…until they do not.
Some people might think it is weird that I do not go around and talk about things until they happen. Until I am confident in the project and I know it is going to get an awesome kick start. Sometimes, even when the things happen it is just my closest friends who know it is in the process or that it has happened. But I do not want to jinx it. I do not want to take away the opportunity I have just because I am overly-confident in something happening before it is happening.
Even I take it one step at the time. Why should other people take whatever it is to the finish line before I have the chance to. Call me crazy, call it weird that I believe in those kinds of powers but if it is meant to happen it will whether you have told the whole school or just your nearest family.